Where is Qazi Touqeer, “The Once, Heart-throb”?

Never in my wildest dream, did I ever think that I could go so crazy after a TV show, until “Fame Gurukul” came in 2005 on Sony Entertainment Television. I have never liked the Ekta Kapoor kind of, the so called “Saas-Bahu” serials. Nothing really happens in those serials, which can be compared to real life. Sometimes, I almost throw up seeing whatever happens in those serials. Then came the Reality Shows. I didn’t watch the Indian Idol1 properly, cos I didn’t like watching anybody lose and get hurt. After that “Fame Gurukul” came. I thought, “What a copy cat!”, and never took a thought to watch it. And a guy with a mediocre(?? Worse than that, even I can sing better than that ;)) voice in such a nation wide singing competition made me question the show itself. So, I didn’t watch the first few episodes. Ngawang, a friend of mine used to keep on talking about that guy coming back to show everytime after being dropped in the worst three. He was constantly being saved by the jantas. I also once got to see a jhalak, where he was scolded by Prashant sir. But the way he took those scoldings so easily unlike the guys of his kind, made him not get unnoticed in my eyes.

Eventually, we began following the show. With the kind of human being he was, none of my family members got untouched. Everyone became a total fan of his. Even my dad, who doesn’t like me watching songs of Hritik in “Kaho naa pyaar hai” or even his ad, would talk about Qazi and praise him with me (Strange enough!!). We all would cherish the love and votes Qazi got from jantas. Once dad even asked me to vote for Qazi, incase it was possible to vote from Nepal. Yeah, I know ultimately the public are fooled to spend their hard earned money through voting system but still… I even used to go through Google to get extra information and used to share them with dad and others. In Tibetan Buddhism, we believe that if we ring bells in monasteries this life, we will have good voice in the next life. So, hoping that it might help, mom and I used to go to Bouddha to ring bell, so that Qazi could sing well in the episodes to come. Yeah, I know, its bit embarrassing to confess:). Early in the morning too, as soon as mom woke up, she used to talk about Qazi. It was at times, awkward to see a woman of her age going crazy after Qazi. Was difficult to digest. It didn’t feel nice at all:). Meanwhile, my sister was in hostel and in the letters, all I used to write was about Qazi. May be I went to such extent cos during those days, the college I used to go to(for my 4th semester and thereafter) was so depressing, studies too depressing, teachers didn’t know their subjects. The college was one of a kind, “A Namuna”, where you learn nothing. So, your mind has to get onto something na? ;) In college, I had one girl classmate, who hardly came to college. The guys too, some didn’t use to watch “Fame Gurukul”, some didn’t like talking about Qazi, or may be didn’t like Qazi(???). One even used to avoid me as soon as I started talking about Qazi…ha ha. So, I used to keep on talking about him with my language classmate and friend, Arati and she used to keep on listening and nodding though I know that she is not that much fan of his:).

I am especially surprised with Qazi’s emotional strength. If I was him, I would definitely have a nervous breakdown. He got so, so, so many bashes from his so called friends (competitors), teachers and judges in Gurukul. I really wonder how he could keep himself so calm and undisturbed by that harsh environment. He was so real, witty, sharp and funny. So, there was no surprise that junta went all ga ga over him. We all went through the same emotional ups and downs with him throughout the show. When he was hurt, we were hurt. When he was praised, we were happy, infact happier than him. It hurt watching him hurt but then we couldn’t stop watching the show either. He maintained his dignity, kept on working hard and never lost his heart and eventually, came as one of the winners in the show. One of our teachers said, his sister gave treat when Qazi won:).

But then, after he won, he changed. He developed a kind of attitude and was behaving in very strange ways when he was invited to other shows. He was no longer the old Qazi. It was very, very disappointing. And I think may be that’s why, he is now nowhere to be seen in the entertainment industry. I really wonder where he might be and what he might be doing thesedays. We really expected a lot from him. But I don’t think its entirely his fault either. In such a young and tender age, one is bound to get carried away and slip through. No matter how things are, I will always remain his fan for the human being he was and always wish him all the best in life.

प्रीय तिम्रो यादमा
छट्पटिदै
पिडाहरु लुकाउन
हास्दाहास्दै
बहुलाएका छ्यणहरु

Alas! Where I am?
Stuck in this dark world.
I try to reach out,
But nothing is seen.
I try to walk forward,
But the thorns are all around.
I try to escape,
But there is no way out.

Alas! Where I am?
Stuck in this suffocating world.
I try to remove the darkness,
I try to remove the thorns,
But alas! I am left with nothing but the wounds.
I shout to god, “Please don’t do this to me,
Please don’t let this thing destroy me,
Please let me live my life.”

Then, the sayings of Shantideva struck my mind,
“Where would I possibly find enough leather,
With which to cover the surface of earth?
But wearing leather just on the soles of my shoes,
Is equivalent to covering the earth with it.
Likewise, it isn’t possible for me,
To restrain the external cause of things.
But should I restrain the mind of mine,
What would be the need to restrain everything else?”

It is then, when I realize,
That the darkness wasn’t outside,
But within my own mind.

The Miracle of the Bouddhanath Stupa

I wrote this article two years before. I thought of sending it to the Himalayan Times and get it printed on the newspaper if approved. But I didn’t get to submit it at all (as if I would get it approved if submitted:)) and it was left on my computer just like that. But now that I came to know about the blogs, I am posting this article though its now kind of stale. Though, articles can be written now and then, topics like this seldom comes…..well,….in my opinion. So, I present this article as it was written on 19^th of July, 2005.

It was on this year’s 17^th of July, at about 10:00 in the night. My parents and grand-parents had already gone to sleep. I had a small exam the next day. So, I was doing a bit of my studies. Just then, I heard one guy speaking to an old lady living in the opposite house of ours. He was saying, “Bouddha……”. I listened carefully. He repeated, “Bouddha ko chaap aakashma thyammai paretsa”. As soon as I heard that, I recalled what my grandma had said.

Some fifteen years ago, when there was not much people around the Bouddhanath, and when we were living in one of the houses in the Bouddha circle, my grandma had seen the same thing. My grandpa used to do prayers till late in the night and when he was looking through the window to pay homage to the Bouddhanath, he saw a shadow of the Bouddhanath Stupa on the sky. There was the shadow of the whole body of the Bouddhanath Stupa and it was larger than the actual Stupa. There was no light (like these days) around the Stupa except the moonlight. And, he had shown this to grandma and my dad.

My sis and I said that there must be some scientific reasons behind it and tested in our own very small and childish ways with a candle and other stuffs. Of course, we couldn’t figure out much from it and we thought that it must be the shadow falling on cloud or dust particles in the sky. People having deep faith in the Stupa must be criticizing and bad-mouthing me on these words of mine. But, I am also a true believer of Buddha and his religion. So, recalling these things, I jumped out of my bed and told this thing to my grandparents and parents. They told me that I can see it from the roof of house also. So, we went, but there was no sign. I thought of going inside the Bouddha circle to get the glimpse. And although it was late at night, me and my mom went outside. There were lots of Tibetan Buddhist monks from monasteries near our home running to get the glimpse. Everyone was running with the fear that the shadow might get disappeared before arriving. It was not like 10:00 at night (with no one around).

When we arrived at Bouddhanath, it was quite crowded. It was raining and everyone was eager to get the glimpse, running here and there in the rain water with umbrellas, saying from this or that side, the picture is clearer. And, from the gate side of Bouddhanath, I saw this miracle too. There was a shadow of Bouddhanath Stupa on the sky on the upper-left side of the Stupa, though it was not as big as the one my grandma had seen. And, the shadow wasn’t complete also. There was the shadow of upper part of the Stupa with the small flags around. Some said that earlier, with the shadow of the Bouddhanath Stupa, shadow of the Swayambunath Stupa was also seen. I don’t know how much truth is there in it. May be they saw two shadows of Bouddhanath itself. Everyone was paying their homage in their own ways, i.e. some saying prayers, some folding their hands and bowing, some doing full prostrations around the Stupa in the rain and some burning incense. Some were also taking photographs, which I just now saw being sold on the ways of Bouddhanath, four times the usual photograph price. My eyes also got moistened to have a glimpse of the shadow of this so precious Stupa called Bouddhanath on the night sky.

It is said that all the enlightened Buddhas of past, present and future fused into a single body of light and rays, and dissolved into this Stupa. Some were saying now, something good is going to happen in Nepal. Some Tibetans were saying, “May be we will get the freedom of Tibet very soon”. An old Buddhist monk near me told me that I was lucky to experience this moment. And I must realize the kindness of parents of not only this life but of previous lives too and make prayers for them and all living beings. Praying for oneself only will do no good. And that we should always follow the advices of our spiritual leader, His Holiness the Dalai Lama. Actually, I being young and him seeing lots of youngsters doing things, which contradict the advices of His Holiness, he was giving those lectures to me to keep our culture alive and basically, be a humble, simple and good human being.